Check in day:
Well, this week I lost another 4.2 pounds. So, in two weeks, I've lost a total of 9.2 pounds. That's more than I was expecting to lose---and I'm thankful for that much weight being gone. It's not much really for someone like me who has so much weight to lose----but it's still a lot. It's enough to make me feel a lot better---not as sleepy all the time---more active during the day----more myself.
If yesterday had been a test---I'm pretty sure I would have failed. Just reading through yesterday's notes from my devotion time----it is uncanny how applicable they were for that particular day---- I could have drawn strength from them if I had bothered to try. Sometimes words are for the wind----let them go---show people grace because many times our words don't come from our true self----show people the grace you want them to show you when you say something that isn't really from you. Still working on it. Still praying that God will work on my heart---because sometimes it can be so very hard.
Something from one of my pastor's sermons keeps jumping out at me too---he once talked about idols and how pervasive they can be in our lives. One idol he noted was a people pleasing idol. He said something along the lines of---Nobody even better talk to me if I preach a bad sermon. And he believed that this attitude---this feeling of almost devastation----is revealing of a people pleasing idol that he struggles with. I'm pretty sure I struggle with that one too. I should not feel so sad if I don't live up to someone's expectations----not if I'm giving all I have---and doing my best. Oh my goodness, it doesn't matter. And yet---that little horrible part of myself wants to make a good impression---wants people to think "She is doing a great job!" Bah! Build a bridge and get over it. Except I know I can't build my own bridge---which brings us back to why I'm here---early in the morning---praying to God for change---for a bridge, not of my own making.
Blessings: I am thankful for a husband who loves me unconditionally---who has taken over with Miriam two nights in a row while I work late at school. For a family who invites us over to dinner because they know I ain't cooking here at the end of a crazy week. I'm thankful for that kid who---when asked---tell us something you learned about Martin Luther King---said, with awe in his voice---he was a king!!! I'm thankful for the first grader who asked me "Is your job hard?" I replied---"Sometimes--but it's a lot of fun too---" And he smiled at me with that sweet smile that only a child can muster. That was a good moment. I'm thankful for Miriam---perched on Papa's foot and asking for a bite of apple pie. Also---a good moment.
Prayers: Praying for family members and friends who are dealing with illnesses and upcoming surgeries. Praying for a family member waiting to hear back after a job interview. And many, many more that I'll leave unspoken.
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