Just a quick check in day. Lost 1.4 pounds ---totaling almost 18 and a half pounds.
For years now I have waited
For you to come around
And you have left me nothing
But a dusting on the ground.
Or you’ve blown in with the wind
For Friday afternoon bus duty
Did anyone ever teach you
Mockery’s just snooty.
Ok--you’ve had your fun
But it’s time to mend our fences
Just pop on over for a visit
Come back to your senses.
I just want to tell you
That hey---there’s no hard feelings
I still love you—I still care
I still find you quite appealing.
And should you show up casually
On Monday afternoon
I would welcome you with gladness
That’s all—hope to see you soon.
But since the composition of this poem----I have come to the conclusion that there are hard feelings towards snow----many, many, many, many hard feelings. And even if it DID snow at this point---I wouldn't speak to it. Bring on the spring---that's right snow---you heard me---spring---warm sunshine I'm rooting for you now---down with snow and all things icy (Do you think my reverse psychology will work on snow? )
Anyhow---nutrition and exercise wise---still hangin in there. Lately---I've caught myself thinking---Ok--my goal is to be down this many pounds by the end of the week. All the while---the truth of the matter is---that's the very mindset I wanted to avoid when starting out with this whole thing. If I don't lose even one pound----but am making healthy choices and learning not to lean on food as a crutch----if I can---remain at war with this idol in my life----at lean on God the way I'm built to----well, that would be the point. And nothing else. So---this is a nice place to remind myself of that.
Miriam is saying more everyday----and she adds people that she loves to her ongoing monologues every day too. God bwess Ashwey and Kwisty. God bwess Jackie and Janice. God bwess Banni-G (whose name is actually Giovanni, but Miriam has renamed him Banni-G) I am proud of how much Miriam loves people. I am such an introvert----and though I often admire people---pray for them on an ongoing basis---and hope for God's blessings on their lives---I do poorly with communicating my feelings towards them. I am not at easy person to be around socially----it's awkward---for me---and I imagine for the people around me as well. And I am at a place where I'm ok with that---but I love that my daughter is different from me is this respect. I love that she hugs people without abandon----that she loves people in general---and is sooo stinkin' excited to see them. I'm going to be real for a minute---and hope it's ok. Sometimes these differences are a reminder to me that Miriam and I don't share genes---that we lack that biological connection. And at times, I won't lie----that can hurt a little---scare me a bit---because I wonder---will we be able to relate well to each other as Miriam grows up? But then---at the same time---I know that although I am certain our relationship will have challenges that are specific to adoption related issues----at the same time---these differences that I notice---Miriam being an extremely extroverted, active (really turning out to be a tad athletic---the kid can make a basket 9 times out of 10) little girl----they are what make Miriam Miriam---and I love Miriam. I wouldn't want her to be anyone else. I'm proud of who she is---and even if I am the introvert who would rather sit in the chair with my knitting and a book on tape----I'm glad Miriam is the kid who is telling me "Mommy--pway ball. Pway ball. Pway mommy pway." I'm glad she isn't afraid to get in the game....and I'm glad God blessed us with our daughter. This home---this family---is changed completely because of Miriam----and though the insecurities that are intrinsic to an adoptive family are certain to crop up now and then----beneath those ripples on the water---the deep is still, rich, and brimming with beauty.