Just a quick check in day. I lost 2.5 lbs this week---totaling about 17 in all since the beginning of January. It becomes more and more apparent to me that God is the only way that this is possible for me. When I ask God to lend me strength of spirit to break down these unhealthy (both physically and spiritually unhealthy) dependences---He really does lend me this strength. So, that's a praise and a blessing. And I'm grateful. I finished exercising one day---and I just thought---I feel like I can breathe again---I feel like a person again---a person who knows the difference between what matters and what doesn't. And that feeling of freedom----more than even the numbers on the scale----that is incentive to keep going.
Internet has been spotty at home all week---so haven't been able to really stay online long enough to post much this week.....It's been a somewhat challenging week. However, every time I start to feel bogged down and just overwhelmed----perspective finds me. As I've been tempted to compare myself to others---to find myself sorely lacking----a sense of calm overrides the encroaching panic. I am who I am---I have strengths---I have weaknesses. But my identity rests in neither of those---but only in Christ. And day by day---it isn't about trying to be as good as or better than someone else---but just doing the best with what God gives me---and hoping to live a life that somehow reflects back just a little of His goodness---His light. I'm grateful for these reassurances from a God who sees me---all of me---and still chooses to hold my hand during these moments of insecurity and fear---no matter how trivial they are when looked at under the magnifying glass.
Miriam has taken to repeating: "Jesus loves me" many times throughout the day. And this makes my heart happy. (We'll focus on that and not the "MY Jesus!" where she uses the same emotion for MY as when she's claiming a favorite crayon or block..... Hahahahaha. Oh toddler time---it's always fun. :) Love my sweet girl.)
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