Tuesday, June 5, 2012

On Being "that" mom....

   My sister in law, Nikki, went with us when we registered at Babies R Us and Target.  She walked us through the baby stuff like a pro---and helped us find the stuff we'd love---and avoid the stuff that warranted a swift--"Don't get that....you'll hate that..."  




There's still one moment from those excursions that stands out vividly in my mind.  Me standing in front of the video baby monitors with a wistful expression on my face. 

Nikki:  Oh Ashley....don't be that parent.
Me:  I'm pretty sure I'm going to be that parent.
Nikki:  sighs  Yeah--I know.

Heh.  I did steer clear of the video monitor.  But the truth is....I am soooooo that mom.  It's actually pretty ridiculous.

It all started with poking the baby whenever she was too still or quiet---just to make sure she was still alive.  You can read more about that here:  http://ashleyandstuart.blogspot.com/2011/09/poking-baby.html  

And then Miriam learned to turn over---and she found that she liked sleeping on her tummy.  Egads!  SIDS!  You're supposed to sleep on your back, kiddo!  So you know what I did, right?  I'd check on her constantly---and if I found her sleeping on her tummy, I'd flip her to her back.  Which invariably woke her up and made her mad---but hey, I felt better.  Which was the point.  Stellar parenting---yes, I know.  Actually this phase didn't last long because my husband---who is normally extraordinarily indulgent with me----actually put his foot down.  "Ashley, you have to stop flipping the baby.  She's fine!"  This conversation eerily paralleled the poking the baby conversation...

Other sure indications that I am indeed that mom---

I read three baby care books cover to cover---and I continue to reread them---and I get mad when there are discrepancies between them. (I recognize this is illogical---if I wanted them all to say the same thing---I should have just bought three copies of the same book.)

When Miriam was rolling over---I used to worry it hurt her heard when she went from tummy to back....so I spent an inordinate amount of time on the floor--- always having a hand ready to cushion that head when she rolled.

I once googled "Baby gets sick dies from eating too much oatmeal" because I was scared that I'd fed Miriam too much baby oatmeal and that she had developed some kind of deadly blockage or something---from OATMEAL. Sigh---that one hurts to admit.

I insisted we take her to the ER for what turned out to be....drum roll please.....constipation.  My dad's comment:  "Be sure to call me next time she has a bowel movement so I can have another heart attack."

And I suppose that you can imagine how this freaks me out:

And this as well.

And I learned that no matter how nice the nurses at your doctor's office are---you shouldn't call them once a week over stupid crap.  Strangely enough, they don't like that.  Not that I did this---I just heard from a friend...

The standing and crawling led me right back to the baby books for babyproofing ideas---which very specifically outlined all the ways my child could die in my home:  suffocation, strangulation, poison, fire, drowning.....I told Stu---our house is just one huge accident waiting to happen.  Blurg!

I'm still that mom---standing in front of the video monitors---going---I just want to make everything safe and happy ALL the time.  Which is of course impossible---and will only become more impossible---because Miriam's world is just going to get bigger and bigger.....

I think part of being this way stems from the fact that I've never spent a lot of time around babies.  Children, yes---babies, no.  I've always thought of babies as being extremely breakable.  And I've always been that person that didn't even want to hold the baby until he or she was a solid three or four months old and seemed just a little less fragile to me.

Before Miriam came home---I even practiced diapering and swaddling on paper towel rolls. Here's a photo example of that little piece of crazy:
****You can tell that this isn't the original because it's actually NOT on backwards....Yes some of us really are that stupid...

I didn't know anything about babies, really.  Hence the marathon baby care reading.  And maybe that's why I was ultra worried about safety.  Still---I know it's time to stop driving myself----and everyone around me---crazy.  I'm hopping off the crazy train---right now----well, after I make sure that everything in this house is flame retardant.....  Ha!

It's true--I am that mom.  But still---I love being a mom.  Take one look at this face---and I bet you can tell why.