Meeting M

Today we drove to Jackson to meet with an expectant mother.  On the drive over, Stu and I felt mostly at peace---we said:  "We'll just be ourselves.  If this is God's plan---it will happen---if it's not---then it won't."  We kept this atmosphere of contentment alive and well on the whole car trip over.  I noticed blackbirds cruising in the air, wings open yet unflapping and I thought about how they were supported by something unseen but very present;  I believed that God was supporting us in much the same manner, unseen but undeniably carrying us.  This spirit of calm rapidly disintegrated into nervousness the moment we sat down at a table at our agreed upon location.   Stu and I were the first to arrive, and waiting those twenty minutes for the social worker and M (I'm going to refer to this expectant mother as M) to join us was torturous.  We watched the door intently, afraid to look away.  Stuart remained calm.  That's who he is.  He never seems to lose sight of the fact that we have no control of what will happen---but he trusts God and doesn't seem to balk at the idea of unquestioningly allowing Him to direct our situation.  I, on the other hand, am the worrier.  This is just one more situation that proves that five years ago, I married the man whose strengths many times cover up my weaknesses.  Stu held my hand---offering support and reassurance.  As we unblinkingly watched the front door, M and the social worker approached us from behind.  Ain't that always the way it goes?  What we're looking for always seems to come at us from an unexpected direction.  Anyhow--Stu and I pretty much jumped from our seats to greet M.  There was this weird little moment--I went to shake M's hand--she went to hug me---then I went to hug her and she went to shake my hand.  We were both so nervous!  M is a really beautiful woman.  She has long hair and dark brown eyes.  Her complexion is the color of coffee with cream---and she definitely had the whole pregnancy glow thing working for her.  M brought her daughter, C, with her to the meeting.  C is five years old---bubbly, sweet-natured, polite, and altogether adorable with her sparkly shoes and meticulously braided hair.  M sat down with us and began to talk as though she had already made up her mind that Stu and I were to be the parents of her child.  She wanted to ensure that we would pick up the baby from the hospital.  She wanted to ensure that we were ok with sending her pictures and letters, and with meeting her once a year for visits.  She asked if we were excited.  I think that even Stu was a little shell shocked at this point---because it was our understanding that this meeting was a way for M to determine whether or not she really wanted us to parent her child---and all of a sudden it was as if she had really already made up her mind in the first five minutes of meeting us.  And I think we were both a little afraid to believe it--it seemed like a too good to be true kind of thing.  We told her we were very excited---we told her how long we'd waited for a child---and we told her that it was difficult for us to express how happy we would be to have a child---how grateful we were to her for even meeting with us.  M told us about her family.  She told us about her son, whose personality actually sounded to be a lot like Stuart's personality. She shared about why she was making the decision she's making.  We gave her information about our own families, and told her how excited everyone is.  We really really liked M.  She's a sweet young woman with a lovely daughter---and we very much wish her the best.  The meeting ended with M saying that she thought we were very nice people and that she was thrilled to meet us.  We told M that we wanted her to know that whatever she decided, we would pray for her---that we too wanted the best for her child.  We each hugged her---C did a little pirouette that she'd been dying to show us.  And we left.  At this time, although we felt that the meeting went very well---we don't know for sure that M has decided anything.  As much as we liked her, as much as we can't help hoping that this child that rests in her belly might come to our home someday soon, that God will connect us to this sweet woman and her family (honestly, I couldn't picture a better person to be in an open adoption with)---the thing that we must pray for is God's plan---and that whatever is best for that child (whether it be that child resides with his birthmother, another family, or with Stu and I) will come to pass.  Thank you for all of the prayers.  No matter what happens in this situation, we believe that God is working.


****Just got the call as I was typing.  M has officially chosen us to parent her child.  Excuse me, gotta go cry a few tears---the good kind.   :)