Saturday, December 11, 2010

Why do you want to adopt?

Stuart and I are working on our formal adoption application. The question that took the longest to answer was this: "Why do you want to adopt?" The answer to that question is layered somewhere between love and faith---and it is more difficult to put into words than I'd anticipated. I think about that question a lot---and for now, the following is our answer:
We struggled with infertility for four years; the first time we went to an infertility specialists about two years ago---we both had the feeling that God might have a different plan for us than the one we'd expected---at least when it came to the way we were going to form a family. Still---we spent two years running back and forth from the doctor's offices---trying different medications and procedures---and hoping that we could form our family in the way we'd always envisioned. However, there was always a feeling---which persisted most prevalently when we prayed about our wish for a child---that our family might be an adoptive one. The feeling was so strong that it became difficult to pray----I suppose because we were so stubborn that we didn't want to accept a plan that wasn't of our own making. I can't exactly pinpoint the moment or the reason behind the change of heart which seemed to come about so suddenly---i remember moments of complete sadness and helplessness in which we both keenly felt the loss of the biological child which we gradually began to believe that we would never have. But I don't believe that the desire to adopt was something that was born completely from that sadness. In a way---it is something different entirely. It's more to do with accepting God's plan for our family, rather than rebelling against it. It's more to do with building up the faith to embrace the truth that our plans are not God's plans---and that His plans are infinitely better than our own. We never questioned the idea that we could love a child which wasn't our biological child----we questioned whether we really wanted to go through the adoption process. We'd been on the medical route to a child for so long---it was a process with which we were well acquainted---and switching paths was a big step for us; it was a shift from the familiar to the unfamiliar. Yet, as soon as we opened our hearts to adoption---we felt a great burden lift---and we were both surprised at how quickly we began to love this child that we've never met or can even completely imagine. And we feel at peace. We want to adopt because we love this child already---and we look forward to the day that we can be together.

2 comments:

  1. Being a parent is raising a child- it is as simple as that. There is no rule that it has to be your biological child. I am happy that you guys have begun a different route to have that child. I'm sure you grieve for the child you wished you could have and I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel. I am glad your hearts have opened to new options and you are allowing God to show you another road. There is a child- YOUR child waiting for you and Stuart. You two will make wonderful parents and I can't wait to here how the progress goes. Keep your chin up guys- you are both beautiful loving people and any child will be lucky to have you as parents.
    Melissa Bixby

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  2. “Why do you want to adopt?" The answer to that question is layered somewhere between love and faith --- and it is more difficult to put into words than I'd anticipated.” - Yes, that is indeed difficult to answer, and in your case, you know your motivation to do such comes from from your heart, and as we know, it's the deepest emotions are the hardest to explain. =)
    (Aiko @ GivingBirthToHope.org )

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