First thing yesterday morning, I ran into the same little girl while I was at bus duty. I was so excited to talk to her because our conversation from the day before had stuck with me.
As I approached her, I overheard her talking with another little girl---they were making plans for when they would sit together---at lunch, at indoor recess, etc. And it made me smile.
I asked her quietly---"So did you work things out."
"Yes!" the little girl smiled---"We did! And now we've even made up a rhyme together." And so she and the other little girl proceeded to perform an elaborate hand game as they chanted rhymes about girls with yellow hair and boyfriends named Jello----and other silliness that only friends can fully share.
It was a good moment.
Especially after the bit of a rough start yesterday. I swear I think my brain is already deteriorating. I drove past the school yesterday on the way to drop Miriam off at daycare---and noticed there were a lot of cars there. I'm usually one of the first ones there, so I was a bit surprised though not overly alarmed. Hmmm, I thought to myself, that's funny. After dropping Miriam at daycare, I came back to school---walked in the building----and saw a lot of teacher's kids playing together in a classroom. And that's when it hit me---faculty meeting. 7:45 faculty meeting. I checked the time---it was 8:20 when I finally discovered my mistake. I stood in the hallway---contemplated going in to the meeting late----but just couldn't. I couldn't stand the thought of drawing that much attention to myself. The new superintendent of Bartlett schools was there today meeting with us. I had been looking forward to this meeting. How had I completely flaked out on a faculty meeting? I went back to the car and cried for a few minutes. I was so angry with myself. I called Stu and told him what I'd done---he tried to tell me---it's ok---it's not the end of the world if you miss a meeting. And then I got kind of angry with him too. (one of my prayers is for a gentle spirit----that one needs an under construction sign)
I don't know---sometimes I just feel like I'm doing everything poorly---everything. I know those feelings aren't completely accurate----but I do feel it's true I make more mistakes than I used to. I forget things, legitimately forget---important things.
But ---then I try to remember something our pastor talked about last week----our identity isn't in our weaknesses---our struggles. Our identity is in Christ. Spending time beating myself up about things I'm not doing well---I don't know....it's one thing to go to war with your idols----which I'm trying to do---but it's another thing to focus solely on intrinsic character traits about yourself and wish you were different.....I'm a forgetful person....absentminded-----not that I shouldn't try to write myself notes---make extra effort to remember important things----but this feeling of "not good enough"---that isn't valid. My identity---anything good in me----anything of worth in me----can be found in Christ, and in Christ alone. And His grace is sufficient for me.
It is ridiculous how little it takes to sink my meager ship when I forget this. Perspective-----I'm praying for that too.
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