They allege and they accuse
I hunker down and hide myself
For I have no excuse.
I have failed a million times
And what is seen is but a part
Of all the darkness I have nourished
Down deep within my heart.
I have been a shadow
Shackled in a dusty cell
One foot bound to this world
And the other bound to hell.
And though my feet are bound
God invites me Come
And makes a way--becomes the way
Till I can't help but run...
But I have always been a runner
From everything that's Good
I cannot measure up
To straight edges as I should.
Laws are written on my heart
Etched unmistakably
I know I should be perfect
Yet---I cannot be.
So I bury myself deep
Beneath feigned complacencies
Guard my heart with walls of stone
Till the muscle atrophies....
And still God reaches deep
Beneath the folds of all my sin
"The debt you cannot pay
--I have paid---now child---come in."
There is something green within me
I did not plant it there
For I was only darkness
Swallowing more darkness from everywhere.
But something green is changing
Though its growth is slow and small
It bends, uncurls, and lengthens
It pushes on the wall...
Like a shell surrounds a seedling
In the ground---before it wakes
Until the green becomes too large
And the shell begins to break...
Breaking isn't safe
Being broken--that is pain
And yet the green grows larger
And a strange joy can't be contained.
The darkness still remains
But its home is cramped by all the green
It is outraged at the cracks
Where the shell is straining at the seams....
And I could say I'm lost
In conflicting parts of me
And yet somehow, I know I'm found
And I know who I'm to be
Though there are times I close my eyes
Close my heart and fall to slumber
The weight of joy from deep within
Pushes outward and I crumble.
I have a heart that's broken
A million times it's been made new
But each new fracture leaves a space
For new tendrils to creep through.
There is something green within me
I didn't plant it there
The one who made me placed it
Tended it with care
Something green within me--
That wakes me when ignored
For it knows its home's a garden
And that it shall be restored.
